Free hymen mending: humanity or deception?
VIETNAM – Doctor Kim Dung of the Hanoi-based Thai Ha Medical Centre’s announcement of providing free hymen mending service for sexually abused and misguided girls, as a gift for the International Women’s Day (March 8) has kindled a controversy.
Many people said that the hymen can be mended but it is not important to mend the “moral film.”
Many people praised the service as a humane act while others criticized doctors to lend a hand for deception. VietNamNet talked with some people about this issue.
Poet, Dr. of Aesthetic The Hung, lecturer of the Hanoi National University, said that he supported doctor Kim Dung. He said that this is a praiseworthy and honorable act.
“The society of Vietnam has developed and the thought is opener but Vietnamese men are very classical. They still seek perfection and attach much importance to women’s virginity. They always desire to have their own woman. Women’s virginity is extremely valuable,” Dr. Hung said.
He said that mending hymens is necessary if it makes women be more confident when they get married. This is also a good way to avoid men’s doubt and grumble, misfortune and broken marriage, especially for women who are sexually abused.
“Sexually abused girls are harmed spiritually and physically. They are seriously obsessed. Healing their body can help them cast of complex to live more peacefully,” Dr. Hung said.
Hoang Kim Thanh from the Centre for Research and Application of Sciences on Gender, Family, Women and Juvenile, who is also a lecturer of the Hanoi Culture University, said that mending hymen is only a temporary measure. Using this service is dodging the truth and this is somehow giving prominence to virginity.
“Vietnamese culture still dignifies virginity, but only virginity of women. A woman who loses her virginity is considered to lose her value or seen as a bad woman. But nobody cares virginity of men. Men even see having sex with their girlfriends as the way to manifest his male sex and mark their matureness. Virginity not only obsesses women and also men,” she said.
She said that the modern society has an open view, but men still have the right to assess women. Most men who detect that their wives have lost their virginity cannot accept it so they grumble to their wives.
“Both men and women value virginity. Men condemn women of no virginity while women who lose their virginity feel guilty with their husbands. We talk about gender equality but there is no equality in this issue,” Thanh added.
Thanh, who has researched and lectured about domestic violence for years, said that just because of that remembrance, many women suffered from misfortune. Some women had to accept their husbands having extramarital relations with other women just because they lost virginity. Some others were sexually abandoned by their husbands for tens of years as the penalty for their “mistake.”
Seeing hymen mending as deception, many readers fiercely protest that act.
Le Nhan, 35, Hanoi said: “I’m a man. Frankly, if I know that my wife lost her virginity for being raped, I can be sympathetic with her. But I cannot accept that she mends her hymen to cheat me. Giving free hymen mending service is the same way with inciting women to tell a lie.”
“Actually, mending hymen can only trick dull-witted guys. Telling the truth is the best. If men accept that fact, it is okay, otherwise they can say goodbye. Once they get married, if the husband detects that his wife tricked him, he will not forgive,” he added.
Deeply sympathising with abused women, but many people said that mending hymen can only create “affected peace of mind”, which can disappear anytime. The most important is how they live to make their husbands love and trust them.
“If you mend your hymen and then your boyfriends know the truth, they will grumble to you. You will be hurt and feel more painful than the pain you got when you were abused,” Van Anh, 28, Hanoi said.
“Anybody has his/her past. Those who really love you will be sympathetic with you and share your pain. The most important thing for sexually abused women is psychological consultation, not helping them hide that accident,” she added.
Not only protesting hymen mending, many people suspected that the announcement of Thai Ha Medical Centre is a PR trick.
