Social media’s “perfect parenting” pressure weighs on young parents
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Parenthood may be one of the most anticipated stages of life, but the idea of “perfect parenting” is putting pressure on many parents, particularly young ones. For some, the unrealistic idea of error-proof parenting may even make them question whether they are capable of taking on the demands of parenthood. After all, parenting without mistakes exists only in Pleasantville.
Social media, a sandbox where a diaspora of opinions influenced by different cultures and values comes together, gives young parents another thing to worry about: whether they are doing it “right”.
Put simply, perfect parenting, if such a thing exists at all, is no walk in the park. Recent research consistently shows that the idea of “perfect parenting” can create substantial psychological pressure, while research also suggests that striving for perfection can work against effective parenting.
An unreachable standard
Researchers from The Ohio State University who led a 2023 national survey of more than 700 parents concluded that being a “perfect parent” is unattainable and that the pressure to achieve perfection can have unhealthy effects on both parents and their children. Their data showed that 57% of parents reported experiencing burnout, with parental burnout strongly associated with internal and external expectations, including perceived judgment from others, keeping a clean house and concerns about whether they were being “good parents”. When parents experience burnout, they are more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety and stress, while their children may also experience more behavioral and emotional problems.
Detriment of perfectionism
Multiple peer-reviewed studies have established that parenting perfectionism, holding impossibly high standards for one’s parenting and believing others hold such standards—is a major risk factor for parental burnout, a syndrome characterized by exhaustion in the parental role, emotional distancing from one’s children, and loss of parental fulfillment .
Similarly pointing the same sentiment, a2024 study by Venard and colleagues, using data from 146 Swiss parent dyads, found that perceived pressure to be a perfect parent was positively associated with parental overprotection in both mothers and fathers . Notably, pressure was not associated withparental responsiveness, the adaptive, attuned dimension of parenting, suggesting that perfectionistic pressure drives maladaptive rather than beneficial involvement . Mothers reported significantly higher levels of pressure than fathers, a finding attributed to the persistent cultural view of mothers as primary caregivers under the ideology of intensive mothering .
Multiple peer-reviewed studies have established that parenting perfectionism, that is, holding impossibly high standards for one’s parenting and believing that others expect the same, is a major risk factor for parental burnout, a syndrome characterised by exhaustion in the parental role, emotional distancing from one’s children and a loss of fulfilment as a parent.
A 2024 study by psychologist Gaëlle Venard and colleagues, using data from 146 Swiss parent dyads, similarly found that perceived pressure to be a perfect parent was positively associated with parental overprotection among both mothers and fathers. Notably, this pressure was not associated with parental responsiveness, the adaptive and attuned aspect of parenting. This suggests that perfectionistic pressure may encourage maladaptive forms of parental involvement rather than more beneficial ones.
Mothers reported significantly higher levels of pressure than fathers, a finding the researchers attributed to the persistent cultural view of mothers as primary caregivers under the ideology of intensive mothering.
Being a perfect mother is easier said than done
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A briefing paper prepared for the Council on Contemporary Families by Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan of the Department of Psychology at The Ohio State University, based on nearly 200 dual-earner couples, found that “parenting perfectionism” is common among mothers and is associated with lower confidence in parenting and feelings of depression. The irony, she wrote, is that “in seeking perfection in parenting, parents are less likely to actually parent effectively.” Perfectionistic worries can undermine mothers’ confidence, make parenting feel less enjoyable and more stressful, and may lead to maternal gatekeeping—correcting or criticising fathers’ interactions with their children. This can push fathers away and place more of the parenting burden on mothers.
A 2018 research article, “Feeling Pressure to Be a Perfect Mother Relates to Parental Burnout and Career Ambitions”, by Loes Meeussen of the Center for Social and Cultural Psychology, Psychology Department, KU Leuven, Belgium, and Collette Van Laar of Fonds WetenschappelijkOnderzoek, Belgium, found that among full-time working mothers in the UK and US, feeling pressure to be a perfect mother was positively associated with parental burnout. This relationship was linked to parental stress, a stronger prevention focus, or a greater concern about avoiding mistakes, and higher levels of maternal gatekeeping. The pressure to be a perfect mother also carried into the workplace: it was associated with poorer work-family balance, which was in turn linked to lower career ambitions.
Survey from Similac
Abbott Nutrition, the nutritional products division of US-headquartered healthcare company Abbott Laboratories and the producer of Similac infant formulacommissioned a new survey, which found that 93% of respondents believe parenthood will be the most fulfilling part of life. Yet nearly 80% said they feel pressure to be the “perfect” parent on social media.
The Similac survey covered 1,002 U.S. adults aged 22 to 32 who are parents or plan to have children within two to three years. Conducted online from March 26 to 31, 2026, by Burson Insights, Data & Intelligence, the survey has a margin of error of about 3.1%.
Social media’s double edge role
The Similacfindings show that young parents are not simply turning away from social media. Many use it to find reassurance, information and a sense of connection.
Some 78% of respondents said social media provides valuable support, while 82% said it helps them feel less alone. At the same time, 81% said it creates an idealised or unrealistic view of parenting.
That gap can make parenting choices feel like a public test. More than half of those surveyed, or 55%, said they worry about being judged when their choices do not match what they see online.
The problem is not necessarily that parents believe everything they see. It is that repeated exposure to carefully selected images of family life can make those images feel like a standard to meet.
Young parents are confident but want realistic guidance
The survey also challenges the idea that young parents lack confidence.
Among Gen Z parents surveyed, 92% said they are confident in their ability to be good parents. At the same time, 83% said they would rather follow creators who share honest and unfiltered parenting content.
This suggests that the demand is not simply for more parenting information. Young parents also want to see what parenting actually looks like when the house is untidy, routines do not go as planned and parents are still figuring things out themselves.
Dr Morgan Cutlip, a psychology PhD and mental-load expert, said online communities can help reduce isolation and provide reassurance, but highly curated parenting content can also fuel comparison and self-doubt.
For parents constantly exposed to idealised family life, the comparison can make them question their own choices, even when their children are getting what they need.
Trusted advice comes from people offline
Social media may be part of the parenting support system, but it has not replaced more traditional sources of advice.
Doctors and healthcare providers were the most trusted source among those surveyed, cited by 79% of respondents. Parents and family members followed at 76%, while 71% said they trusted friends who are parents.
This suggests that social media works best as one source of connection rather than the final word on how to raise a child.
The survey also points to a wider issue with online parenting culture: the difference between sharing useful experiences and presenting an ideal that other parents feel expected to copy.
Meanwhile, Similac’s findings have also prompted a wider conversation about the need for more realistic portrayals of parenthood.The company’s “Love Without Measure” initiative is one response, featuring parents and creators who share more unfiltered accounts of family life and encouraging parents to share their own experiences.
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